I don’t think it’s karma. I don’t think you ever did anything wrong. Though this may not fit your sense of your current reality, I don’t think he did, either. I just think sometimes it hurts, when the dreams we were taught to believe in turn out not to be possible. And we have no road map, none of us straight or gay have a road map, for how to make this all work “right.”

So it hurts. And we hold each other and ourselves as best we can through it. And we fuck it up, and we hurt, and we wake up in the morning and try again.

And maybe we can tell ourselves the same thing we have told our children over and over, that it will all be OK.

You are a profoundly good woman. Pain may be inevitable, but you have taken a courageous journey in a way that you really do get to be proud of. Yes, all of it. All of it. Even this, your ability to continue to love him enough to feel pain at this further loss. Even this, you get to be proud of.

Maybe not today, as it hurts in such a raw way. But you do get to live, and love, and darlin’ you get to be human. You really really do. Thanks for sharing your journey. Thanks again and again and over again.

These situations never seem to be handled gracefully. They waited two months to tell you?

Ooof.

I hope you were able to settle into the peace and comfort of your present. I hope you’re able to continue to free yourself from the gnarly tentacles of the past. And I hope you remember through all of it that you are amazing for being true to yourself. Above all.