You were never going to be my forever.  I knew that.  No happily ever after.  No gentle transition.  No promises, no commitment.  It was what it was, and that is all it ever could be.

No, you were never going to be my forever, but you were exactly what I needed you to be, when I needed it.  And I think I was the same for you.  Some of it was shitty, and some of it was blissful, and all of it took me places I’d never been.

Our lives crossed at pivotal moments, times that brought us both face to face with the darkness and light within, nights where we encountered strength we didn’t know we had, and weakness we didn’t want to claim as our own.  As crazy and mixed up and painful as it sometimes was, for that brief period of time there was a purpose to us – to what we were and were not to each other.

What you give to the world is such a small part of what you are. You hide your heart under layers of bravado and attitude and edge.  It protects you, keeps you safe.  I know that, because I know you.   But I also know – from the times I saw you cracked open – that underneath that facade there is gentleness, and kindness and loyalty.   Your truth does not always lie in your words, your body language or your actions, but it is always there in your eyes.  I promise you that I will always remember to look there first, and to trust in what I see.

When I hugged you tonight, I wanted to cling a little longer to the moment.  We have seen each other so infrequently over the past year and a half that I didn’t anticipate it being difficult, but I was overcome by a fierce tenderness that took me by surprise.   Somehow, saying goodbye to you felt like saying goodbye to that time, to the months that carried me from that life to this one.  It was harder than I expected.

I wish you only goodness and love and growth in your new life far away.  Face your fears, stand up tall and take that city by storm, in the way that only you can.

Only good things, little one, the very best of good, good things.

You were important, and I will never forget you.