pictures of you
3 Oct
What do you do with the pictures? What happens to eleven years of snapshots and cheesy portrait studio enlargements, wedding albums and vacation pictures? Horrid Walmart engagement photos that stand as a forever reminder of a very bad hair day, murky underwater snorkeling shots of unidentified fish in Hawaii, precious photos of the first moments of parenthood?
What do you do with the shriveled balloons he bought you on your first valentines day, the souvenirs from your trip to NYC in the spring of 1999, with the birthday cards filled with sappy handwritten notes? How do you split up a decades worth of personalized Christmas tree ornaments, carefully chosen during a holiday shopping trip each year – even the pets’ names carefully added in with permanent marker. Who gets the home videos – hours upon hours beginning with teary eyed ‘I do’s’ and extending through first breaths and birthday parties and wobbly steps and Christmas mornings?
Who keeps the locks of hair lovingly saved from the first hair cut? How can you divide the stick figure drawing of your family of four, proudly rendered at preschool in bright crayola marker? What about wedding rings engraved with words of forever and partially filled in baby books and anniversary gifts and ticket stubs and random shoeboxes full of 11 years worth of collected nostalgia?
When you are faced with separating two lives that have been wholly intertwined for so long you discover that you are surrounded by representations of that relationship, both concrete and symbolic. Your house is filled with a million symbols of the bonds, of the happy times when anything seemed possible, of the family you built and the history you shared and the plans you made.
When all is said and done, and it all comes down to the final weeks of living under the same roof, those mementos are all that remain of both dream and reality. Keepsakes of a life that no longer exists, they are both more priceless and more meaningless than you ever thought possible.
And the final question lingers…what on earth do you do with the memories?
What do you do with the pictures? What happens to eleven years of snapshots and cheesy portrait studio enlargements, wedding albums and vacation pictures? Horrid Walmart engagement photos that stand as a forever reminder of a very bad hair day, murky underwater snorkeling shots of unidentified fish in Hawaii, precious photos of the first moments of parenthood?
What do you do with the shriveled balloons he bought you on your first valentines day, the souvenirs from your trip to NYC in the spring of 1999, with the birthday cards filled with sappy handwritten notes? How do you split up a decades worth of personalized Christmas tree ornaments, carefully chosen during a holiday shopping trip each year – even the pets’ names carefully added in with permanent marker. Who gets the home videos – hours upon hours beginning with teary eyed ‘I do’s’ and extending through first breaths and birthday parties and wobbly steps and Christmas mornings?
Who keeps the locks of hair lovingly saved from the first hair cut? How can you divide the stick figure drawing of your family of four, proudly rendered at preschool in bright crayola marker? What about wedding rings engraved with words of forever and partially filled in baby books and anniversary gifts and ticket stubs and random shoeboxes full of 11 years worth of collected nostalgia?
When you are faced with separating two lives that have been wholly intertwined for so long you discover that you are surrounded by representations of that relationship, both concrete and symbolic. Your house is filled with a million symbols of the bonds, of the happy times when anything seemed possible, of the family you built and the history you shared and the plans you made.
When all is said and done, and it all comes down to the final weeks of living under the same roof, those mementos are all that remain of both dream and reality. Keepsakes of a life that no longer exists, they are both more priceless and more meaningless than you ever thought possible.
And the final question lingers…what on earth do you do with the memories?
the memories need to be put away for a time. they will always be bittersweet, because some are good and some are painful, but you lived through the times, and the memories belong to you. do not make the mistake of denial…change happens but those memories are about what made you who you are today. there will be a time where its easier and sometimes important to look at those memories. but for now, just put them at the back of a drawer, deep in the attic, or just away for safe keeping.
Jess and I have “ex boxes”… we put a few momentos in there and chucked the rest.
It’s still your past.
Everything you have been you carry forward into who you become – love doesn’t necessarily end but lives and people change.
I wish you peace on your journey – there is no destination.
janet
Well written. I felt the same despair when my ex and I split. We hadn’t been together as long as you, and hadn’t had kids yet, and yet it was still wrenching. I keep the photos in a box and he kept most of the rest out of anger. He sent some things in small spurts as the years went on. We have been separated for 6 years and I can’t believe it’s been that long when I read your blog posts. It seems like yesterday. Although the pain has mostly subsided for me, sometimes a song, or a photograph, or a movie will remind me… Just wanted to say that I’ve stood in your shoes. I’m sorry that you, and he, and your children are going through this.
P.S. Love Missy Higgins
I’m really sorry for what you’re passing through. You have my silent far away support.
you live through it
and not drown
:::::::: hugs :::::::::